Home Remedies

22 Nov

Look, I have a longer, funnier post on the way but you’ll have to forgive me. I have been waylaid by the flu.

“Well, whatever.” You may be thinking. “People get the flu all the time. What’s the big deal?”

But that’s the thing. I normally don’t get cold and flu bugs. I can go for a couple of years with out having an actual flu. Some sort of low grade sniffle yes but honest to god flu? Almost never.

And that’s something I brag about.

Something I bragged about to my coworkers who were monstrously ill at the time.

So of course this would be the year I’d get sick enough to call in not one but two days of work. Which I hate doing. On top of the flu I just might have Pink Eye. Another ailment I’ve boasted of being impervious to out loud.

See this is why I’m not a full blown atheist. Because if I say out loud something doesn’t happen to me then by god, It’s going to. It’s like the universe hears me talking shit and decides to take me down a peg or two.

I’m not going to the doctor though. There’s  nothing to be done about it. I’m not paying $100 to go in to Kaiser to be told “Yup. It’s a virus. Drink orange juice and stay in bed.” The most that can be done is just get some rest and wait it out.

But I do want to share with you a coping mechanism. something I’d like to call Babushka Tea.

About three years ago my friend and collaborator Konstantin Pogorelov, the Mad Russian found out I’d been laid low by the seasonal plague and came over to take care  of me. He showed up and began to pull items out of a grocery bag. The first to emerge was a bottle of rum.

“Whoa. Whoa, there. I’m getting sick so I’m not getting crunk. I appreciate the effort though.” I said between bouts of coughing.

“No! Just trust me.” He said taking the rest of the bag into the kitchen. “My Granny used to make this when I was sick. It’ll take care of you.”

Where upon he made me the most tasty of beverages. I drank two and fell in to a peaceful slumber like that of a contented infant to wake up in the morning about 40% better. From that point forward it was my go to soothing remedy.

A remedy I’d like to share with you now. Here is what you’ll need.

  • one fresh lemon cut into wedges.
  • Honey
  • Sailor Jerry’s spiced rum (It’s important to get a spiced rum, otherwise you’ll think you stumbled into a strange cocktail scene.)
  • Black tea. Either spiced chai or Assam are best in my opinion.

Make put the kettle on. Make the tea. Put in a spoonful and a half of honey and squeeze in a wedge of lemon. Huck squeezed lemon wedge into cup. Finish off with a little less of a shot of the rum.

Drink until soothed and sleepy.

 

I made this for my parents when they were sick. After convincing them that I didn’t think alcohol would solve everything they drank it and declared it a superior cure. I deliver this recipe into your hands dear readers as a comforting way to sit out your sore throats and aches.

As for the pink eye I don’t have any advice. I’ve never had it before and probably won’t have it again.

Knock on wood.

 

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