Watchtower

5 Feb

The lady called Thomas first. I could only hear snatches of the conversation but you learn to pick up pretty quickly when a guest is flipping their shit for a crazy ass reason.

“No. No. The house keepers have gone for the day…No. No. Did you look in the closet? Please go look in the closet. Thank you.”

I finished my own phone call with a marrow deep need for gossip.

“That sounded interesting.”

I actually really love Thomas. I’ve refered to him before as the Eeyore of our Hundred Acre Wood. Partially because of his incredibly deep dry voice and also because of his consistently unimpressed air. This guy was a Vietnam draftee, a monk and a high school teacher, all things he did while keeping his sexuality mum, which was hard business back then. So you can imagine he’s pretty disinclined to take shit now that he’s in his 60’s.

“Oh, the woman in 414 thinks the housekeeper stole her Jehovah’s Witness reasearch papers.” Thomas didn’t look at me and sniffed, peering over his glasses at the computer screen.

“Bullshit, Our housekeepers don’t take things.”

“I know.”

And we went about our business.

Until the phone rang and I was able to have the pleasure.

“Front desk, this is Leia.”

“I am just really upset about what happened! I talked to the other man there and he said that I should look in the closet and I did and the drawers and all of the other places and my Star of David and my Eve in the Garden the papers are just gone! It’s gone and that house keeper must have taken it out of my room! I have a lot of reading to do and I have to get it done! All of my studies are gone! The housekeeper…”

“Ma’m our housekeepers do not remove things from a guests rooms. Ever.” I get pretty defensive of our housekeepers. They are dolls and they work their asses off.

“Well she did this time! I had the papers on my bed and they aren’t there now! I have all of this reasearch I have to do for god almighty. She took them…”

“No, Ma’m” I repeated.

“I didn’t want anyone touching the bed!”

“Ma’m, then you need to put a Do Not Disturb sign on the door or the housekeeper will make up the room. But they would not remove or really even move your items.”

Thomas had overheard and figured out who was on the phone.

“That’s it.” He said, picking up the receiver of his phone and checking the tape chart for the name of the maid who made up 414. “I’m calling.”

The woman spazzed and ranted and demanded to know where her things were as Thomas spoke with the housekeeper about the missing papers.

“Did you check under the bed?” I asked.

“Uh huh. And you moved them to make the bed and then you put them back on the bed?” I over heard Thomas say.

“Well, no I didn’t look there…”

“You should, Ma’m. And check your bags too.”

Thomas and I got off of the phone at roughly the same time.

“Lupe put them back on the bed when she was finished. I’m not calling that woman again.” Thomas said. “If I do I may not be able to stop myself from recommending the catholic bible in the bedside dresser.”

“Oh! Oh no, Thomas! You know what we should do if she calls again? We should tell her that the disappearance of her papers is a sign that she isn’t among the 144,000 chosen flock and then refer her to the bible in the room.”

Thomas chortled.

“We’d lose our jobs over that probably but it might be worth it to go out like that.”

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One Response to “Watchtower”

  1. Joanna E. February 6, 2011 at 3:33 pm #

    I kind of like Jehovah’s Witnesses. They’re annoying at the time, but they make for the best stories, later on.

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